Relax & trust us: we know better

Hai că nu e totul doom & gloom. Pataphyl şi Israelianca au motive de optimism.

Pataphyl: Munca pe bani

Toată lumea cunoaște TEOREMA SALARIULUI, care spune că inginerii și oamenii de știință nu pot NICIODATĂ să cîștige la fel ca oamenii de afaceri și comercianții.
Aceasta teoremă poate,în sfîrșit, să fie demonstrată prin rezolvarea unei ecuații matematice simple:

Ecuația noastră se bazează pe două postulate foarte cunoscute:

Postulatul nr.1 : Cunostințele înseamna Putere
Postulatul nr.2 : Timpul înseamnă Bani

Orice inginer știe că : Puterea = Muncă / Timp
De aici:

(Putere = Muncă/Timp) & (Cunoașterea = Putere) =>

Cunoașterea = Muncă / (Timp = Bani) => Cunoaștere = Muncă / Bani => (cf. regula de trei simplă)

Bani = Muncă / Cunoștințe

Din formulă, prin aplicarea condițiilor la limite (0 și – respectiv – ∞) obținem:

lim(cunoștințe-> 0) Bani = ∞
lim(cunoștințe -> ∞) Bani = 0

în condițiile în care constanta Muncă este oricît de mică sau de mare.

Prin urmare,
Cînd Cunostințele tind spre zero, Banii tind către infinit, oricare ar fi valoarea atribuită Muncii, aceasta putînd fi foarte slabă.
Invers, cînd Cunostințele tind spre infinit, Banii tind spre zero, chiar dacă valoarea Muncii este ridicată.
De unde următoarea concluzie, evidentă: Cu cît cunoasteți mai puțin, cu atît mai mulți bani veti cîștiga.

P.S. : Cei dintre Dvs. care au avut unele dificultăți în a intelege raționamentul de mai sus vor trebui sa fie cel mai bine remunerați …

Israelianca: Mesaj al Majestatii Sale Regina Elisabeta a II-a catre americani

Subject: To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
———— ——— —
1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’ Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’ ).
———— ——— —
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ”like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S.English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of ‘-ize.’
———— ——-
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
———— —–
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.
———— ——— –
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
———— ——— –
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
———— ——–
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
———— ——-
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
———— ——-
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
———— ———
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.
———— ———
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
———— ———
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
———— ——–
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.
———— —–
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
———— —
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
———— ——

God Save the Queen!

PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!

Pataphyl: A Norman Rockwell moment

These are possibly the 5 best sentences you’ll ever read:

You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.

What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.

Puteți sprijini activitatea noastră cu o donație unică sau una recurentă prin Patreon.

Emil Borcean

Emil Borcean

26 de comentarii

  1. emil
    29 aprilie 2010

    Pataphyl, nu lipseste ceva din „munca pe bani”? S-au pierdut litere-cuvinte pe teava de email?

  2. Pataphyl
    29 aprilie 2010

    nimic nu se pierde, totul se transformă: în bani ????

  3. israelianca
    29 aprilie 2010

    Nu stiu daca asta se potriveste aici, poate cu punctul 4 de la Norman Rockwell:

    Socialism 101
    What a great way to explain socialism. America needs to WISE-UP.

    An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before but had once failed an entire class.
    That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.
    The professor then said, „OK, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism. All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A. The Class agreed!
    After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.
    As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.
    The second test average was a D! No one was happy.
    When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.
    The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.
    All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward and shares it with those not earning it, no one will try or want to succeed.
    It just doesn’t get any simpler than this.

  4. Pataphyl
    29 aprilie 2010

    emil la nambăr uan: cred că mai mult am încurcat decît am dres ????

  5. chriscross
    29 aprilie 2010

    i wonder why doesn’t she fancy kansas… :)))

  6. Flo
    29 aprilie 2010

    And then, one student decided to pull a gun on all the others, making them study. The ones who refused were shot. The others were so scared that they complied. And so, the student with the gun was the Great Lider of the class and an inspiration for all others…

    Thus socialism can work… at gun point…

  7. Flo
    29 aprilie 2010

    P.S. Foarte buna postarea. Ar trebui sa fie o eticheta cu numele de „comon sense” unde ar trebui adunate astfel de paralele.
    Cu cat mai simplu cu atat mai bine.

  8. Pataphyl
    29 aprilie 2010


    While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

    His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. „Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. „Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

    „No problem, just let me in,” says the man.
    „Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

    „Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the senator.

    „I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”

    And with that, St . Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

    Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

    They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

    Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

    Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises…

    The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

    „Now it’s time to visit heaven.”

    So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

    „Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

    The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: „Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”

    So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down , down to hell.

    Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

    He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

    The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. „I don’t understand,” stammers the senator. „Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”

    The devil looks at him, smiles and says, „Yesterday we were campaigning… Today you voted.”

  9. costin
    29 aprilie 2010

    Flo, misto de tot incheierea ta ????
    si asa se si intimpla, socialismul te pune la munca, dar nu vei muncii pentru tine ci pentru abstractiuni gen „societate”, iar daca nu o vei face vei fi mai putin om. dar sa dam cuvintul poietului:

    secventa din Povestea Sovietelor

  10. dr pepper
    29 aprilie 2010

    era un banc care mi’a placut mai demult si nu mai gasesc site-ul.
    suna cam asa:

    intr’o dimineata se duce rachela la strul farmacistul sa cumpere o juma’ de kil de cianura.
    – dar bine rachela, dar pentru ce iti trebuie atata cianura?
    – vreau sa il omor pe itic sotul meu.
    – vaaai rachela, nici nu se pune in discutie, ai inebunit? am sa imi pierd licenta, or sa ne condamne pe amandoi, o sa infundam puscaria, te rog sa iesi imediat din pravalia mea si sa nu te mai intorci niciodata…
    la un moment dat rachela scoate o poza cu itic in pat cu ester, sotia lui strul.
    – dar bine rachela fata mea, dar de ce nu ai spus ca ai reteta?

  11. dr pepper
    29 aprilie 2010

    those snotty f brits…

  12. dr pepper
    29 aprilie 2010

    ce lovitura de teatru ar fi sa castige nick clegg.

    actiunile greciei au ajuns la stadiu de „junk”, portugalia annunta voios intrarea in colaps, spania vine tare din urma cu toate motoarele inainte,

    Britain faces mammoth economic troubles with the one of the largest deficits in Europe — a 152.8 billion pound ($235.9 billion) sum racked up during the global financial crisis. No matter who wins, Britain is looking at the harshest cuts to public services since World War II.

    cred ca englejii sta cel mai bine daca o sa cstige clegg.
    „u cannot spend your way out of recession…” i’a transmis hannan lui brown.
    imperiul unde soarele nu apune niciodata se confrunta cu cel mai mare deficit bugetar din europa.
    iar supusii coroanei voteaza un socialist si mai mare decat brown.
    sa vezi ce’o sa ma rad daca iese clegg.

  13. costin
    29 aprilie 2010

    pepper, uite ce spun baietii de la despre nick:

    Nick Clegg a încercat iesiri-minciuna penibile, cum ca n-ar fi sustinut introducerea Euro, nici amnistia imigrantilor ilegali. In general, revolutionarul Clegg a fost în afara dezbaterii, oportunist, lipsit de orice substanta, un soi de Crin Antonescu ceva mai civilizat.

    am gasit dezbaterea aici. se cam vede pe fata lui.

    despre brown si cameron:

    avid Cameron a câstigat clar ultima dezbatere, pe teme economice, care tocmai s-a încheiat. Brown l-a provocat permanent pe Cameron, dar a fost o tactica gresita: parea obosit (la început mai ales în prima parte a dezbaterii) si resemnat. Cameron a punctat foarte bine mai ales in domeniile educatie si imigratie, si când a acuzat eurofilia liberalilor.

    brown saracu, iar, se vede pe fata lui.

  14. dr pepper
    29 aprilie 2010

    costin, n’ai vazut nimic, inca.

    ia uite aici:

    Daniel Hannan – the new Tory saviour!

    4) “You cannot spend your way out of recession…” And even though Darling has said he won’t do this, the point is – you can; America did so in the 1930s.

  15. dr pepper
    29 aprilie 2010

    … educatii astia de socialisti.
    cum le stie ei pe toate ????

  16. Pataphyl
    29 aprilie 2010

    > Să zicem că ești un idiot.
    Și să zicem că ești membru al parlamentului. Dar asta înseamna deja că mă repet.
    (Mark Twain)

    > Eu cred că o țară care încearcă să prospere prin stabilirea de taxe mari este ca un om care, stînd într-o găleată, încearcă să se ridice trăgînd de mîner.
    (Winston Churchill)

    > Un liberal este cineva care se simte îndatorat față de aproapele său, care datorie este de acord să o platească din banii tăi.
    (Gordon Liddy)

    > Democrația trebuie să însemne mult mai mult decît doi lupi și o oaie care votează ce să mănînce la cină.
    (James Bovard)

    > Ajutorul extern trebuie înțeles ca un transfer de bani de la oamenii săraci din țările bogate către oamenii bogați din țările sărace.
    (Douglas Casey)

    > Guvernul este o mare invenție, prin care toată lumea se chinuie să trăiasca pe cheltuiala altora.
    (Frederic Bastiat)

    > Dacă tu crezi că sistemul de sănătate este scump acum, stai să vezi cît va costa cînd o să fie gratuit!
    (P.J. O’Rourke)

    > Nici o viață, libertate sau proprietate nu este in siguranță, atita timp cît aparatul legislativ este în sesiune.
    (Mark Twain)

    > Să vorbești este ieftin, cu excepția cazului cînd o face parlamentul.

    > Răul inerent al capitalismului este împărțirea neechitabila a bogățiilor.
    Bunul inerent al socialismului este împărțirea echitabilă a sărăciei.
    (Winston Churchill)

    > De ce are nevoie țara asta: mai mulți politicieni fără loc de muncă.
    (Edward Langley)

    > Un guvern suficient de mare încît să-ți dea tot ce ai nevoie este suficient de puternic să-ți ia tot ce posezi.
    (Thomas Jefferson)

    P.S. Mulțumesc Căt…lin! ????

  17. Transsylvania Phoenix
    29 aprilie 2010

    Daca pina si Boondocks au inceput sa faca misto de Obama-bots…

    Costin please embed.

  18. costin
    29 aprilie 2010

    Un articol fain de la Mircea Popescu despre situatia imigrantilor ilegali din Arizona:

    Statul Arizona, care spre deosebire de cetatenii privati are dezavantajul ca nu se poate lua sa se duca, nu vede bineinteles lucrurile cu aceeasi detasare amuzata. Ba chiar din contra. Si-n cel mai pur stil texan, si-au suflecat mainile si-au pornit la treaba.

    Primul pas a fost o lege care reglementa statutul imigrantilor ilegali, si anume, facand situatia de-a te gasi in tara fara drept ilegala. V-ar putea surprinde notiunea, ca anume e nevoie de-o lege speciala, in 2010, pentru a constata aceasta evidenta : ai ajuns intr-o tara incalcandu-i legile, inseamna deci si prin urmare ca ai incalcat legile. Cam pleonastic, dar totusi, in sistemul american e nevoie de-asa ceva. Si sa vezi acolo disperare si agitatie pe idiotii aflati la guvernare, cacum e posibil asa o flagranta incalcare a drepturilor unor tipi care…de fapt… n-au nici un drept. Nefiind ei nici cetateni, nici onesti, darmite cetateni onesti.

    Macar partea aia se inscrie intr-o oarecare logica a rectificarii, dar sa vedeti al doilea pas : Arizona a dat o lege prin care interzice cursuri, manuale si activitati “scolare” care, stati asa si nu lesinati :

    “promoveaza resentimentele in contra unei rase sau clase de oameni”
    “sunt gandite in principal pentru un anumit grup etnic”
    “sustin solidaritatea etnica in loc de-a trata elevii ca indivizi”
    Iote unde i-a adus pe bietii americani jumatate de secol de feminism a la Luce Irigaray, de liberalism a la Roseanne Barr, de “drepturile minoritatilor” a la Jesse Jackson si in general de idioti conducand platforma “reformista”. Fix la inceputul jocului, do not pass go, do not collect 200. Luati-o de la capat, din 1799, in 2010.

    cititi-l pe tot aici: Arizona fata cu idiotii

  19. dr pepper
    29 aprilie 2010


    diferenta dintre engleza britsilor si engleza americana

    Biggie – This is unusual. A biggie is what a child calls his poo! Hence the reason Wendy’s Hamburgers has never really taken off in England – who would buy „biggie fries”? Yuck – I’m sure you wouldn’t buy poo fries! The other meaning of Biggie is erection. It just gets worse!


  20. dr pepper
    29 aprilie 2010

    Bloody – One of the most useful swear words in English. Mostly used as an exclamation of surprise i.e. „bloody hell” or „bloody nora”. Something may be „bloody marvellous” or „bloody awful”. It is also used to emphasise almost anything, „you’re bloody mad”, „not bloody likely” and can also be used in the middle of other words to emphasise them. E.g. „Abso-bloody-lutely”! Americans should avoid saying „bloody” as they sound silly.

    cat de misto si cat de adevarat ???? ???? ????

  21. dr pepper
    29 aprilie 2010

    Blooming – Another alternative to the word bloody. You might hear someone say „not blooming likely” so that they don’t have to swear.

    hahahaha, bestial!

  22. dr pepper
    29 aprilie 2010

    Blow me – When an English colleague of mine exclaimed „Blow Me” in front of a large American audience, he brought the house down. It is simply an exclamation of surprise, short for „Blow me down”, meaning something like I am so surprised you could knock me over just by blowing. Similar to „Well knock me down with a feather”. It is not a request for services to be performed

    ma scuzati, dar eu ma sparg de ras si ma gandeam ca poate e interesant si pentru altii…

  23. emil
    29 aprilie 2010

    Doc, stii expresia americaneasca „the buck stops here”. Nu are nicio legatura cu „buck”, dolarul american. Este o expresie aparuta in a doua jumatate a secolului 19, legata de jocul de pocher. Uite o mica istorie a originii…

    Look up ‘buck’ in the dictionary and you’ll find a couple of dozen assorted nouns, verbs and adjectives. The most common use of the word these days is as the slang term for the American dollar. That’s not the buck meant here though. Look a little further down the list and you’ll find the definition ‘buck: an article used in a game of poker’ – and that’s the buck that was first passed.

    Poker became very popular in America during the second half of the 19th century. Players were highly suspicious of cheating or any form of bias and there’s considerable folklore depicting gunslingers in shoot-outs based on accusations of dirty dealing. In order to avoid unfairness the deal changed hands during sessions. The person who was next in line to deal would be given a marker. This was often a knife, and knives often had handles made of buck’s horn – hence the marker becoming known as a buck. When the dealer’s turn was done he ‘passed the buck’.

    Silver dollars were later used as markers and this is probably the origin of the use of buck as a slang term for dollar.

    The best-known use of buck in this context is ‘the buck stops here’, which was the promise made by US president Harry S. Truman, and which he kept prominent in his own and his electors’ minds by putting it on a sign on his desk.

    Pass the buck

  24. dr pepper
    29 aprilie 2010

    ???? misto, emil nu am auzit niciodata expresia ” the buck stops here” si nici nu aveam idee de la ce vine buck :)/
    stiu insa ca pentru americani – jocul de pocker este sacru :)/
    orice s’ar intampla nu vor rata o buna partida ????

  25. dr pepper
    29 aprilie 2010

    ce ciudat mi se pare acum, stiind ca am folosit de atatea ori expresia „buck” fara sa ii stiu provenienta ????

Lasă un răspuns

Adresa ta de email nu va fi publicată. Câmpurile obligatorii sunt marcate cu *

Ce ai mai putea citi